Prop Wash
The crew had one last day to prep their boat before the Salmon season started near Kodiak, Alaska. Brian, a young greenhorn, fresh off the plane from Oregon, was stacking boxes with enthusiasm. He was quick to do whatever he was told, and never asked many questions, desperately wanting to impress the captain. He had yet to develop sea legs, as the only path he had walked thus far was the short distance between the harbor, fuel dock and marine hardware store.
“What next, skipper?” Brian eagerly asked, immediately after carrying a dozen boxes of groceries into the galley. The captain quickly scanned the deck, wanting to capitalize on the green horn’s frenetic energy. Unable to find a task on the boat, the skipper decided the time had come to initiate the new greenhorn as he shoved off for the first time.
Looking the greenhorn squarely in the eyes with a seriousness Brian hadn’t seen before, the captain barked, “I want you to go up to the hardware store and get some prop wash.”
Brian had visited the store several times in the past week fascinated by the strange tools of the trade: fiddles, zincs, five-foot long gaff hooks, huge white-handled gutting knives— the list went on. He enjoyed the responsibility the captain had given him and always found some new intriguing item. Brian had befriended the men working behind the counter who showed him where to find items like radar equipment and glove liners, advising him on which rain gear was less likely to tear, and reminding him to give the receipt to the captain when he returned to the boat.
“Back again farm boy?” called the man behind the counter.
“Yep! Skipper says we need some prop wash before we leave town,” Brian beamed, strutting down the aisle.
The store clerk let out a small chuckle, wanting to let the young man off the hook. “Sorry, I think we’re sold out of prop wash” he said with a smile.
Recognizing Brian’s voice from the back room, the second clerk was quick to jump in, “We got a few gallons left in back room, it’s our personal supply. It’s not much, but we won’t charge you as long as you bring the bucket back when you return to town.”
“Sure, no problem,” replied Brian, thankful he did not have to return to the boat empty handed.
The Captain was bewildered to see his deckhand walking down the dock with a bucket.
“I hope this is enough, it’s all they had. No charge, we just have to return the bucket,” Brian said proudly.
The captain, fighting back his desire to laugh said, “That will be enough, we’ll use it when we leave town.”
A few hours later the rest of the crew returned. Eager to include them in on the joke, the captain gathered them in the wheelhouse to tell them about Brian’s special duty.
Shortly after the lines were cast off, the crew gathered to watch as the boat quietly idled its way through the dark harbor. The captain summoned his authoritative voice and sternly groused, “Alright Brian, go get the bucket. When we get into the channel, I want you to go to the bow and slowly, really slowly, pour out the prop wash. It will hit the water, run beneath the keel and wash the prop.”
Brian could hardly wait, proud that the whole crew could see him performing the captain’s special chore. He braced his knees on the bow to ensure a slow and steady pour and took a look back at the wheelhouse to catch the captain’s eye for the signal to go ahead. He noticed the captain was grinning like he had never seen before. Brian tried to make sense of the captain’s mood, but his thoughts were interrupted.
“POUR IT!” the loud hailer belched. He whipped around and poured the sudsy liquid down the outside of the bow and into the dark sea. As the small stream disappeared into the water, Brian sensed something didn’t seem right. “Prop wash?” he thought, “How is this supposed to wash the prop?”
Confused, and wanting finally to ask the captain a question, he turned back to the wheelhouse and saw the crew laughing. Feeling embarrassed, Brian finally realized the joke. “Prop Wash”, he said laughing.
Written by Keith Howard as told by Gale Holfert.
June 9th, 2008 at 6:24 am
O My God i would have done the same thing. i seem to have a problem with catching on sometimes too. It would suck to be emberessed in front of the whole crew but they have to break the greenhorn in some how. everyone needs to laugh at themselves here and there.
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Great story! Takes me back to the days of my youth working in an auto parts shop. Was sent to another store for “muffler bearings”, “driveshaft fluid”, and the like. God bless and take care…
May 18th, 2008 at 11:06 am
In response to Du Hast’s post referring to “Relative Bearing Grease” there was one occation where on the USS Saratoga my husband an HM3 (Hospital Corpsman Third Class) was told to find just that. The funny thing is that back in the 1900’s there was the Realitive Co out of Portsmouth, RI, and wouldn’t ya know it, they made bearing grease! It was in a metal tin the size of a gallon paint can and had a red and black label. So, who got one over on whom?
May 14th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
While in the Navy (right out of EN ‘A’ school) on my first ship, I was instructed to go to the boiler room and get a BT punch, well needless to say I got a BT (boiler tech) punch, landed on my a$$ and had a bruise from shoulder to elbow. Funny now but not then.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
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April 20th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
Don’t forget the key the the sea chest.
April 9th, 2008 at 9:54 am
My ex-husband was in the Navy - boatswainmate. One of the many stories he told me was about taking out the new kids and doing a ‘light bulb inspection’. They would walk the ship looking for blown light bulbs. When they found one, they would send the new guy down to the supply room to ask for the “light bulb repair kit”. The new kids were usually so overwhelmed and terrified of their superiors and didn’t understand half of the “technical” terms being used so in their best military manner they simply did what they were told and said what they were told to say. Being an old joke, the supply room generally gave the kid a bag with some broken pieces of whatnot and string and sent him back to ‘repair’ the broken bulb. I love that one!
December 15th, 2007 at 9:47 pm
very interesting, but I don’t agree with you
Idetrorce
August 11th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
too funny. working 2 years on a crab and salmon boat myself in the 80s i was put through hell. But I thank GOD for it now, It made me alot stronger and gave me a great sence of humor. Nothing wrong with good clean fun. Keep it up Phil, I am always watching. Lisa
July 7th, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Don’t forget about those ferocious Sea Bats that some one has to sit watch for on the bow with a broom, the sky hooks that need to be found, bearing grease, and, of course, the tried and true keys to the sea chest.
June 24th, 2007 at 8:16 am
Yeah yeah yeah. It’s all funny as hell til YOU are the target! LOLOL! Back in ‘77 I was in the Air Force and assigned to a No Cal base with the SR-71. At the time the engines required the use of two Buick 554 Wildcat engines to start the aircraft engines. Big heavy carts that required a tractor to move them efficiently. Well, there was this flightline instructor that always thought it funny to get a new class of us puny little airmen basics, show us around the flightline just about time the jet was being prepared for take off. When it was time to install the Buicks and get them fired up he would invariably pretend that they woudn’t start…!!! This would always be a mission of ‘top secret importance’ and they HAD to get the start carts running. The only option was……… to push start. These buggers would strain 4 grown men, but there we were - huffing, puffing, pushing, groaning, straining and so proud of ourselves when suddenly the engines would fire to life and other maintenance workers stood and cheered our efforts!!! Damn were we the BEST class to hit the line!!!! Sometimes it would take an hour of pushing before he would have pity on us and turn the key to the on position and fire the Buicks electrically.
Oh yeah, and I don’t know how many of us were sent t the tool crib to request a few yards of flightline. Till the one day someone returned with a rope and tied the instructor to an engine start cart. Suddenly he didn’t think it was all so funny! LOLOLOL!
June 23rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
Azimuth hunting, Hey kid go shoot me some Azimuths
what do I do . . . I am an unobtaintanium ( un obtain tanium) miner it’s really difficult to find (like fishing)
I sent a guy, in recieving, after a box of “Pink emery sparks” “Yeah I ordered them last week. ” The owner of the company, after four hours, ask me if this was a joke. Well yes!! It turned out that the office staff (25 people) were looking for the box and the purchase order.
how about, for the kids, get me the giggly pins for the you who valves
may you can of brake dust (or wave brake) be full, you throw that over to stop the ship
James
June 21st, 2007 at 10:11 pm
US Navy in the Tonkin Gulf in 1972. We sent a guy up to the office of the Main Propulsion Assistant (who was a crusty warrant officer) and had him request permission to float test #2 boiler. To float test means to throw something overboard.
There were many other wild goose chases for prop wash, 10 feet of chow (or water) line, relative bearing grease, the Golden Rivet, offset wiggler shafts and packing jacks.
June 21st, 2007 at 6:11 am
I just discvered this show and I can’t get enough. I lived in alaska 60 years ago, Valdez it was. Now as an old granny my television takes me there again! Thank you all and yes, stay safe.
June 20th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
I’ve been a zookeeper for 40 years. This sounds like the old “Keeper’s Golden Bucket” search, we used to send newbie keepers on. They don’t do it anymore. Not politically correct.
June 19th, 2007 at 5:42 pm
I am a farmer in N. Ga. We have always asked the new city boys who come to work the summers for us to go to the hardware store and pick us up a new 2×4 stretcher. To this day we have yet to receive one.
June 18th, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I work on fighter aircraft in the Air Force and we pull the same prank on the FNG’s (Freakin’ New Guys) when they come out to the flight line for the first time. Of course when they go into the tool area to get some they also just happen to be “fresh out” and they will have to go on a wild goose chase to find it. We have many other jokes too, like metric crescent wrenches, the keys to the jet, exhaust samples, echo checks (where airmen yell down the intake and/or exhaust to check for an echo) and many others that won’t make sense unless you work on jet aircraft. Glad to see that we aren’t the only ones messing with the newbies.
June 14th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Hilarious….
In the New York City Fire Department the probies (what they call their greenhorns are sometimes asked to get the “left-handed” spanner wrench… (a tool for opening hydrants)
Great show… I’m always watching…
June 4th, 2007 at 8:04 am
Very very funny! I would love to see some of these pranks on the show! Stay safe!
June 4th, 2007 at 1:30 am
ROFL!!! My question for the rest of the story did he take the bucket back to the store? What kind of ribbing did he get at that point too? Poor kid–being gullable is a curse!
June 3rd, 2007 at 9:46 am
my (farm boy) uncle from north carolina was on coast guard cutter in bering sea years ago. He said he manned night watch one christmas eve and thought ,man, what am I doing here thousands of miles from home!
June 2nd, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Outstanding. I was a prawn fisherman fishing in the north sea fishing from a stern trawler and we done something similar to our greenhorn. This lad was eager as anything and we were preparing the boat for a 5 day trip when the skpper sent him to the chandlery store for a longstand. Sure enough the young lad whizzed off and when he arrived at the store, he asked one of the store attendants for a longstand. The attendant had a puzzled look on his face, then said to the lad “Im not sure if we have any left, ill get one of the lads to check the wharehouse to see if we have any. In the mean time, just go and wait across the road to the warehouse and stand there and wait for the lad” The greenhorn raced across the road to the warehouse and after 20 mins had passed, the guy came out and said to him “has the lad seen to you yet?” and the greenhorn said “no im still waiting for him”. “Oh well you can stand a little longer for him then” mentioned the storeman. The greenhorn realised 30 mins in total. longest record yet.
June 2nd, 2007 at 2:24 pm
hey this is for your the capt. and listen up ok im 10 ys. old and YOUR SHIP ROCKS !!
sinserly:Noah McGahee
June 1st, 2007 at 9:10 pm
LOL That reminds me of what they do to Airmen when they get to there first duty station.
May 25th, 2007 at 11:11 am
Next time, send him below for the keys to the oar locks, or send him to the store for the relative bearing grease.
May 23rd, 2007 at 8:10 pm
LOLOLOL I had my 18y/o daughter come read this. IN her very blonde sense of humor. She looked at me and said ” I don’t get it.” After I stopped laughing I had to explain in detail her why it would not wash the prop.
May 16th, 2007 at 2:43 pm
Love that sense of humor Capt. Phil has. Good Ol’ Oregon boy - just wants to do a good job darn it! Ha-Ha. As a blonde I know how it feels to be the one whose chain is getting pulled. Sounds like Brian has a good sense of humor too. Good luck and stay safe.
May 15th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
Ha, that one is going to be hard to out-do. Somehow I think you will manage it though. Good one!
May 11th, 2007 at 9:29 am
You know what Keith..I think that you are an awesome guy…if you leave..I will not watch the show again…jus tjoking..but seriously…much love to you for doing the deadliest jobin the world!!
May 10th, 2007 at 9:52 am
That was great! What a fun concept. Keep ‘em comin!
May 9th, 2007 at 9:44 am
Too funny.. Love this.
May 9th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Hey this is gonna be great if you keep it going. Hey tell everybody I say what up an dyou stay safe.
God Bless you!